How to deal with emotional abusers around you?
You must have heard this saying many times in your life that why relationships become a burden, but have you ever felt it unintentionally? If you have felt it, you have not realized it.
Or you must have heard this many times that why do people become unfaithful? What is the compulsion of people that people become unfaithful, do not stick to their words, cheat, break people's hearts?
Have you ever wondered why some relationships, which were once a source of joy and peace in life, become a burden over time? Why are they now a source of fatigue and anguish for our hearts and minds, without which life seemed impossible? Many of us have probably seen those moments in life when, instead of being light, our hearts feel heavy after meeting or talking to someone. An unknown restlessness and fatigue have taken over our hearts. Before the meeting, there was joy and hope, but upon returning, our hearts feel empty, as if someone has silently stolen our strength.
In such a situation, we often blame ourselves that maybe we are the ones to blame, or maybe our behavior was not right. But have we ever stopped and thought that maybe the fault is not ours? Rather, it is the fault of the person we met? According to psychologists, there are some people who slowly squeeze out the happiness, peace, and strength of others. There is a hidden poison in their words, attitudes, and presence, which makes the heart sad and the mind restless. Such people are called “energy vampires”—people who do not shine themselves but rather illuminate their own darkness with the light of others.
Meetings that break us instead of making us happy.
A good relationship brings peace, trust, and freshness to life. When a friend, spouse, or lover is true and sincere, their words contain encouragement, hope, and support. Such relationships make us stronger
But there are some people in life who seem close to us, but their closeness empties the heart. Their words are less loving and more critical; their manner hides a strange interest instead of feeling. They always talk about themselves, cry about their sorrows, and praise themselves. But when it comes to us, they either change the subject or make us feel as if our words, our pain, and our presence are meaningless.
Such relationships gradually become poison. Those relationships do not last because we have forgotten ourselves and have sacrificed our own happiness to keep ourselves happy. But in return, we never get what we deserve. Neither feeling, nor respect, nor love.
Why do people cheat? Is the problem with us or with them?
This question is very important; we often blame ourselves for it and keep asking ourselves that maybe we have lacked something in love or our style was wrong or we did not know how to love or we do not know how to maintain friendship
We ask ourselves many such questions and then answer them ourselves, but despite this, we still do not get the answer to these questions. But the fact is that the responsibility for every problem is not equal on both sides.
Some people really do not have the ability to understand the emotions of others. They do not consider the relationship as a relationship but as a means—either for fun, or for benefit, or to prove themselves superior.
Such people are called “dark triad personalities” in the language of psychology because they have three dangerous characteristics that make them emotionally harmful.
Dark Triad personalities—people who don't want love, only want profit.
Machiavellian - A mean and cunning mindset
The first characteristic of people with the Dark Triad personality type is that they have a mean and cunning mindset. They only think that if they get into a relationship with you, then to the extent of meaning, if they feel that you love them or they try to express their love, they are empty inside.
They are just making you feel that they are really connected to you, that they are in love. They use love only as a tool. When they feel that their meaning is not being fulfilled or that you are not fulfilling their meaning, they will change immediately. They will make all kinds of accusations about you, even call you cruel, and become the victim themselves.
Their feelings change immediately, or they relate to you because when they need you, you will be useful to them. When they see that you are not working for them, they will immediately leave you. They will distance themselves from you for one reason or another. Their only goal is to get what they want. They are not doing anything; they are just planning for their own benefit.
If you think that there is a friend or someone like him in your life, it is better to understand him and stay away from him because you can never be satisfied and calm with him. After meeting him, you will always feel weak.
Narcissist - people who always want to be praised.
These are people who try to consider themselves heroes in everything and in every matter. They cannot tolerate anyone's success or happiness. First of all, they are jealous of others.
If they see any success in a person, these people try to reduce it by finding various weaknesses in him.
If you reduce the attention of such people even a little, they immediately get angry. They are only interested in being praised all the time, and they also believe that they are worthy of love and respect from people.
When you respect them, they will tell you that it should have been so, but when you praise them a little less or mention any of your needs, they will get angry with you, calling you selfish and indifferent. You can never be satisfied and calm with such people. Such people also reduce your energy.
Psychopath—a personality devoid of feelings.
You must have seen many people in your life who have been or are living so close to you that they have no sympathy in their hearts.
If you get hurt, they will not feel your pain but will make your pain a source of entertainment. On the contrary, they will give you advice.
Is this also something to cry about? You are overreacting, getting emotional for no reason; you are very weak. They will say things that will weaken you further; rather, their words will hurt you.
Such people have no such thing as emotions or feelings; they are very sweet on the outside. They laugh and play but are empty and hollow on the inside.
There is a huge misconception among people that this is a common thing, but if you look at the education of psychology, such psychopaths are murderers or criminals.
Because such people are devoid of feelings and emotions, they enjoy playing with the pain and emotions of other people.
If you find some such people in your circle of friends, it is better to distance yourself from them ahead of time because they will never support you but will weaken you further from the inside. These are energy vampires.
Learn to recognize who makes you strong and who makes you weak.
After being with someone, ask yourself this question: "Do I feel better or worse with this person?" If the answer is repeatedly bad, understand that the relationship is headed in the wrong direction. Love is not something that demands sacrifice from you—love is something that keeps you alive. Friendship is not something that takes everything away from you—friendship is something that puts something back into you. If a person is only taking your energy, then he is not your partner but a burden. Whether it is a friend, a lover, or a loved one whom you consider your own, have relationships only with those with whom you can be yourself, without playing a role.
When to talk, when to set boundaries, and when to leave?
If there is room for improvement in the relationship, talk first. No problem is solved by silence. If the person in front of you is wise, he will listen to you. If he doesn't listen and, on the contrary, accuses you, then set boundaries immediately. Talk less, give less time, and don't show your weakness. If this attitude persists, it is better to end the relationship. Leaving someone is not always due to hatred—sometimes it is also a sign of self-love. Protecting yourself is not weakness but awareness.
Protecting yourself is not weakness—this is the greatest wisdom.
There are two types of people in the world—those who give life to others and those who squeeze life out of others. The wise one is the one who recognizes the first type and protects himself from the second. Do not make your heart a court so that anyone who comes can convince you with their justification. Recognize your feelings—if someone is constantly tiring you instead of making you happy, it is important to keep your distance from them, no matter who they are. Because true loyalty should not be with others.
Conclusion—find people who will not take your life but will give it to you.
This reminds me of Sahir Ludhianvi's famous song "Chalo ek baar phir se ajnabi ban jaye hum dono" (Let's become strangers once again, both of us) from the 1963 film Gumrah. One of the lyrics of the song fits this situation perfectly:
When the very introduction to someone causes pain and suffering, it is better to forget them.
And if a relationship or attachment starts to become a burden, it is better to end it.
This lyric reminds us that every relationship is valuable only as long as it gives peace, and if a relationship becomes a burden, it is better to leave it than to carry it.
Do not waste this short life on those who always try to weaken you, who always try to dim the light in your eyes, who always try to prove you inferior, and who, instead of consoling you, make various accusations against you. Do not run after those who know how to make friends; make friends with those who are mean, greedy, or only interested in their own interests. It is better to stay away from them.
Spend your precious life with those people who give you peace by talking to them; the burden on your heart is light. If any of your weaknesses come before them, they try to correct you and try to boost your morale. Being with them, you feel peace and night.
Always be with those people who feel you without any greed; they value you in their heart, they save you from falling, and they try to console you in every weakness, so maintain your relationship with such friends. Friends are valuable assets, so value your friends and avoid friends who are energy vampires.